How to Raise a Crook:

Begin from infancy to give the child everything he wants.  This way he will 
grow up to believe that the world owes him a living.

When he is disobedient, don't give him the rod, laugh at him.  This will make him think he's cute. 
he will shock and embarrass you later.

Avoid the use of the word "wrong" so he won't develop a guilt complex.  Then later, when
he is arrested for stealing a car, he will believe that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

Never give him any spiritual training.  Wait until he is twenty-one and then let him decide for himself.

Always pick up anything he leaves lying around - books, shoes, clothing,  Do 
everything for him so he will be experienced in shirking responsibility.

Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on.  Don't monitor his computer usage.
The silverware and drinking glasses must be sterilized, but the child's mind can feed on garbage.

Quarrel frequently in the presence of your childen.
This way they won't be too shocked when the home is broken up.

Give him all the spending money he wants.  Never let him earn his own.
Why should he have things as tough as you had them?

Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort.  See that
every desire is gratified.  Denial may lead to harmful frustrations.

Take his part against the neighbors, teachers, and policemen.
They are all prejudiced against your child.

Then when he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself
by saying, "I never could do anything with him."

Prepare for a life of grief - you will have it.

"Train up  a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6)

Relaxed Christian Parenting, Table of Contents